It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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