Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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