The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
