I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
