Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Randomize
