We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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