Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
