Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
