Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
