U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
