Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
