Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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