I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
