we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
