she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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