brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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