Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
