Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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