I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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