yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
