i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
