Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
you will always have a special place in my vag
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
