Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
