I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
