**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
