I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
