So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
