Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
this boner is exhausting
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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