Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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