i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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