one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
