3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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