Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
