Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
