how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
