omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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