no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
