Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
