Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
