haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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