Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
