I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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