She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Randomize
