i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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