Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
