he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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