dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
