well I can't set my house on fire every night
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
