Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
