i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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