Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
