why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
