White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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