6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Randomize
