i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
