There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
