I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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