Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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