Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
