Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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